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Dress Codes Unwrapped: Holiday and Festive Attire

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date December 15, 2022
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Small Christmas Party

It is that time of year. Holiday parties are often sprinkled throughout our December calendars. Whether it is a work, family, or community event, there are often expectations of appropriate dress for these occasions. The formality of attire often depends on the time of day of the gathering. Daytime get-togethers are usually more casual and evening events could be defined as semi-formal or festive. Another clue to the level of dress is location. If your event is at a 5-star hotel, that lends itself to dressy festive attire. If your event is at the local axe-throwing venue, you might want to lean toward cute holiday apparel. So, what is festive/holiday attire?

For men, a good quality dark suit, white shirt, and dark tie are safe and appropriate. A festive tie and/or socks are a fun twist for the holidays. Adding texture and color can intensify that fun. Velvet, cashmere, patterns, and festive colors in sweaters, jackets, and pants can lighten up a drab party.

For women, a cocktail dress (hitting around the knee) or a dressy pantsuit will always work. Adding color and texture is a way to show your personal style. So, jewel tones, velvet, cashmere, sequins, and other sparkles in clothing and accessories add to the cheery occasion. Showing some skin is acceptable here in bare arms and shoulders, but you may want to bring a pashmina or winter wrap for warmth and possible wardrobe malfunctions.

Gatherings these days tend to be less formal and more fun (festive). So, when in doubt, ask the host/hostess what they are wearing. They set the standard. If it is a work-related event, err on the conservative side and try to stay in the top 25% of your peers when it comes to formality. There are likely to be pictures and you don’t want to be captured for all eternity in an inappropriate disposition.

Though this time of year is often stressful for many reasons, don’t let what to wear add more anxiety to your days. Talk to other invited guests or check the internet for ideas. You are going to a party and it is supposed to be fun. So have fun with your attire and let the festivities begin!

Tags dress codes, explained, festive attire, holiday and festive attire, holiday attire

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Dress Codes Unwrapped: Black-Tie vs White-Tie

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date December 7, 2022
No Comments on Dress Codes Unwrapped: Black-Tie vs White-Tie

A couple with champagne flutes wearing formal evening wear at a formal event party celebration

When you think of black-tie or white-tie events, you may think of words such as, glamorous, fancy, or elegant. But what it really means is: formal. Most of us do not attend or even get invited to many formal events these days. We might occasionally get invited to a formal wedding, award ceremony, gala, or opera but probably not enough to own a tuxedo or formal gown. So, what is the difference between black tie and white tie in dress codes? It could not be as simple as it sounds.

For men, when black tie is the dress code, the expectation is a formal jacket, shirt, and pants, plus a bow or long tie. Cufflinks and pocket squares are optional. A tuxedo is appreciated, but a very nice suit is acceptable. The jacket and pants should match, but the suit does not have to be black. Dark grey, blue, or brown can work, but the tie (as the name suggests) must be black.

For women, when black tie is the dress code, a medium-length cocktail dress or full-length evening gown is expected. Typically, patterns are frowned upon. Solid colors are a better blend with formal menswear. Classic heels, a clutch, tasteful jewels, and a shawl also fit the code.

White tie is the most formal dress code. As the name suggests, a white tie is expected for men. And this time, it must be a bow tie. A tuxedo is required, and tails and top hats are options, but white gloves are a must.

White gloves are also expected for women at a white-tie event. Their dress can be a full-length evening gown or ball gown. Heels are a must and up hair is the expectation. If jewels are worn, they should be the most elegant. A clutch and fur or bolero vest can round out a woman’s ensemble.

So, yes, as simple as it sounds, right? What is key to remember is that you are not alone in your pursuit to attend a formal event appropriately dressed. So please use your resources. The host/hostess, other attendees, and the internet can guide you in the right direction. And most importantly, have fun!

Tags black tie, dress codes, formal dress code, formal event, white tie

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Modern Day Etiquette

Business people shaking hands, finishing up meeting, business etiquette, congratulation, merger and

People want to be kind and considerate to one another and it is the responsibility of all of us to teach each other good etiquette. Knowing proper etiquette is just figuring out the expectations and normalities in an environment. This could be at work, at someone else’s home, or even in a store. Expectations and codes are tough to keep up with, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

Etiquette is how people communicate with one another. It is the basis for how humans can get along. It should not be used to judge or make anyone feel “less than”. Etiquette is actually the consideration of other people and your impact on them. You might be able to determine proper etiquette in a particular space by knowing or observing specific codes of behavior, traditions, or expectations of other people and what matters to them.

That’s really where modern etiquette comes into play.

With the pandemic, technology, and full, complicated lives, frustrations can run high if you can’t decode a situation. If that isn’t you, it may be the people around you trying to decipher the protocols. Learning the role of etiquette in the 21st century isn’t meant to be scary, exclusive, or stuffy. It’s an invitation to be vulnerable and kind, to ask questions and for forgiveness, to learn how others would like to be treated and to have them learn how you’d like to be treated.

So, what questions do you have for me? What are your etiquette anxieties?

Tags Communication, Expectations, Modern, Modern Day, Other People, What is Etiquette

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Holiday Traditions Old and New

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date November 16, 2022
No Comments on Holiday Traditions Old and New

Birthday cake with sparkler

Traditions are often staples in families, organizations, and groups. People count on certain things remaining the same. For example, in our family for every birthday, the birthday person chooses the type of birthday cake they want someone to make for them. Or every year, some of the neighbors pool their money together to put on a neighborhood fireworks display for Independence Day. And many companies have a holiday party at the end of the year where you can expect to receive your holiday bonus. These are traditions that we can count on, we just expect them to happen, time and time again, with no end in sight.

But as times change, often those traditions shift as well. Maybe due to time constraints, what used to be a homemade birthday cake is now store-bought. Maybe the kids get older and don’t appreciate all the time, planning, money, and work that goes into the fireworks, so we just stop doing it. Maybe the economy changed those annual monetary bonuses into store gift cards handed out at the December staff meeting.

So, as we approach the holiday season, especially coming out of isolation and lockdowns, we should look at some of our families’ holiday traditions and adjust them to the times and to the people involved. Does everyone still want to dress in matching pajamas for the annual holiday card? Do we all want to have the big Thanksgiving turkey and ALL of the accompanying side dishes? (And does it have to be the same people, or a lone person, preparing this feast?) Do we need to have dad get on that old ladder to put holiday lights along the roofline and Christmas wreaths on every window of the house?

This might be a great time to get the family together and talk about the current traditions and how they can be adjusted to the family’s current personnel and situation. The teen kids that were toddlers when we started making cookies for Santa may now want to start a cookie exchange with their friends. Maybe for New Year’s Eve, instead of staying up and watching the ball drop, we decide we want to host a New Year’s Day brunch for the family. Someone suggested that this year, they may order Chinese food to eat on all day and watch all the Thanksgiving Day football games. What great new traditions can be born this way!

Have you made any adjustments to your family holiday traditions recently? What suggestions do you have?

Tags connecting, Friends, Holidays, Traditions

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Presenting the Best You – Eye Contact

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date November 1, 2022
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Conversation of managers

When communicating face to face, body language is very important. Often, your body language is read before you even say a word. So, when you want to exude confidence, you must be intentional, not with just your words, but your body language as well.

Part of that body language is eye contact. Some people struggle with making good eye contact when communicating with others. For many, it has become more difficult due to the increased use of technology. And isolation due to the pandemic has exacerbated the eye contact struggle even more.

So, how can we make it better?

First, a definition is necessary. What is considered good eye contact? Looking someone in their face when you are communicating with them. Try to stay in the eyes, nose, and mouth regions with your eyes. The eye contact is not a stare; that’s too much. It’s not a glance; that’s not enough. It is a soft and gentle focus on the person(s) you are speaking with. Eye contact is important both when you are the listener and when you are the speaker. It is an expression of attention and engagement.

Remember that eye contact is important, not only when you are one-on-one, but also in a group or even a crowd. If I am speaking to a group of 3, 25, or 100 people, I still want to look at people in their faces, scanning from one person to another. But as a listener in those same groups, it is imperative that I express engagement by really seeing and focusing on the person speaking.

Secondly, recognize the quality of your own eye contact. Are you in the present, focusing on the person you are speaking with? Are you engaged and encouraging the other person(s) to make good eye contact with you? When you pay attention to increasing your skill level, you end up modeling that skill for others and their game is automatically upped.

Finally, try to limit distractions and use those close to you to monitor eye contact when you speak face-to-face. Encourage them to not only give you feedback but to also practice good eye contact when you are communicating with them. Similar to smiles, good eye contact can become contagious and spread like wildfire. And as with most skills, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Tags attention, body language, Confidence, engagement, Eye contact

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Presenting the Best You – Your Name

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date October 24, 2022
No Comments on Presenting the Best You – Your Name

Have you ever introduced yourself and had to repeat your name? I have, “It’s Margarette.” It’s a common occurrence, but not for me… anymore. No matter how common your name is, you can still mess it up for someone else.

Think about this: You know your name. You have probably had it your whole life. You say it all the time. It just flows out of your mouth. But if I don’t know you and am hearing your name for the first time, I need to be able to catch it and hold it. As the name bearer, you need to say your name clearly enough for me to grab it. It needs to be at a tone that is easily audible, at a volume that is stable, and at a pace that is slower than you are used to.

“My name is (pause) Pam (pause) Jones (pause).” Why the pauses? The listener needs to be ready to catch your first name…Pam…got it… and then your last name… Jones…got it. And then they need a moment to put it somewhere in their brain, make some sort of association, lock it in. This sounds easy enough, but just like any skill, you need to practice.

Be intentional the next time you need to tell someone your name. Make good eye contact. Pause and say your name louder and slower than what’s comfortable. Watch that person take it in. I bet you will see when they lock it in.

Finally, be intentional as a listener. When someone is telling you their name, focus on catching it and holding it. Repeat it back so you know you really have it. Repeating it is also a good way to check that you are saying the name properly. That becomes a bonus when you have to use it in a narrative or in an introduction later.

Your name is part of who you are. It is one of the first things people get to know about you. It can be a really easy part of you to share. If you practice, you can get it right the first time!

Tags intentional, names, social skills, whats in a name, your name

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That’s Not Funny! (That’s Bullying)

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date April 20, 2022
No Comments on That’s Not Funny! (That’s Bullying)

Two teen asian high school students comfort sad classmate victim of bullying in corridor.

Humor is subjective. What may be funny to me, may not be funny to you. That can be seen in choices of entertainment, in the variety of comedians, sitcoms, comedic movies, and even commercials. Some people love pranks and practical jokes, while others enjoy riddles, dad jokes, or slapstick humor. And even when something is not funny to you, you may still be able to understand why it might be funny to others.

One thing I have struggled with for decades is understanding how picking on the vulnerabilities (or perceived vulnerabilities) of others is a form of comedy. In grade school, you hear children making fun of their peers. They find weaknesses in their classmates to pick on and even name call. You can see them looking for others to join in to create campaigns against a person. That behavior is almost expected in elementary school. But as we mature, we should recognize that no good comes from putting others down and that talking negatively of others is a form of bullying. And that’s not funny.

I still hear people (grown people) laughing at the way people look, move, and talk, laughing at someone else’s pain, and picking on what is clearly someone’s struggle. How is that humorous? And more importantly, how is that affecting the target (another human being) of this amusement? We don’t know what most people are struggling with and how your “joking” could affect them.

Now, some people may say, “So, I can’t joke around with my friends?” or “People are too sensitive these days.” I say, do whatever you like. Just know that your humor may be someone else’s pain.

Etiquette is all about the consideration of others. The point is to have a standard of behavior so that everyone can feel comfortable in any environment. We all have different senses of humor. And humans are evolved enough to have ways of experiencing humor that isn’t harmful to others.

Demeaning another human being has no upside. The reason most people put others down is to feel better about themselves. If you are beyond middle school and want to raise your self-esteem, you can just work on building yourself up as opposed to pushing others down. Because, that’s bullying, and that’s not funny.

I am interested to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Tags Bullying, Etiquette, Funny, Jokes, relationships, social

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Pet Peeves as the Foundation of Etiquette

Post author By Margarette Coleman, MSW
Post date March 16, 2022
No Comments on Pet Peeves as the Foundation of Etiquette

Business People Talking While Walking On Sidewalk In City

For years at speaking engagements, I have been collecting lists of pet peeves. You may be asking what pet peeves have to do with etiquette. Well, a pet peeve is defined as a frequent subject of complaint or something that a particular person finds annoying. And etiquette is defined as the customary code of polite behavior in society or among a particular profession or group. So, it is often those pet peeves that are the breaks in common etiquette expectations. Those things that continuously get on a person’s nerves add to the discomfort of others. And the whole objective of etiquette is to consider others, and then contribute to their comfort in the environment you ALL are in.

Why is this important? You should know by now that you have very little influence on the behavior of others. But you do have all the control over your own behavior. And if you have pet peeves about others, you can bet someone has pet peeves about you. When you recognize a pet peeve out in the world, be annoyed, feel all the feelings. But then pause and think, “what do I do that may be annoying those around me?”

Let’s look at a real-world example. One of the most common pet peeves is hearing people eat. It could be smacking, open-mouth chewing, or hearing food move around someone’s mouth while you are listening to them talk. When you see the specific description of the pet peeve, it should be obvious that the societal guidelines around chewing are being stretched. Chew with your mouth closed, do not talk with food in your mouth. Remember the purpose of these guidelines is to keep consideration of others front of mind.

This gives you the opportunity to pay closer attention to yourself. When are you recognizing that others are not so comfortable around you? What guidelines might you be stretching? I may be a sidewalk hog, another top pet peeve. In my desire to converse while walking, I often walk in a line with others. This probably prevents people from being able to pass me from behind. It also prompts people coming toward me to sidestep in order to avoid collisions. I should pay more attention to this and try to adjust my behavior accordingly.

What are your pet peeves? And what can you change to not be someone else’s pet peeve? Please share!

Tags Behavior, Etiquette, Pet Peeves, relationships, social

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