Confidence – Everyday Manners

Presenting the Best You – Eye Contact

When communicating face to face, body language is very important. Often, your body language is read before you even say a word. So, when you want to exude confidence, you must be intentional, not with just your words, but your body language as well.

Part of that body language is eye contact. Some people struggle with making good eye contact when communicating with others. For many, it has become more difficult due to the increased use of technology. And isolation due to the pandemic has exacerbated the eye contact struggle even more.

So, how can we make it better?

First, a definition is necessary. What is considered good eye contact? Looking someone in their face when you are communicating with them. Try to stay in the eyes, nose, and mouth regions with your eyes. The eye contact is not a stare; that’s too much. It’s not a glance; that’s not enough. It is a soft and gentle focus on the person(s) you are speaking with. Eye contact is important both when you are the listener and when you are the speaker. It is an expression of attention and engagement.

Remember that eye contact is important, not only when you are one-on-one, but also in a group or even a crowd. If I am speaking to a group of 3, 25, or 100 people, I still want to look at people in their faces, scanning from one person to another. But as a listener in those same groups, it is imperative that I express engagement by really seeing and focusing on the person speaking.

Secondly, recognize the quality of your own eye contact. Are you in the present, focusing on the person you are speaking with? Are you engaged and encouraging the other person(s) to make good eye contact with you? When you pay attention to increasing your skill level, you end up modeling that skill for others and their game is automatically upped.

Finally, try to limit distractions and use those close to you to monitor eye contact when you speak face-to-face. Encourage them to not only give you feedback but to also practice good eye contact when you are communicating with them. Similar to smiles, good eye contact can become contagious and spread like wildfire. And as with most skills, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Confidence is the belief that you’ll be successful in a particular situation or at a specific task.

Those who lack confidence are less likely to join, to create, to contribute, and might be more willing to give in to outside influences. They might expect to fail at things they try or to not try as hard when things get difficult.

A common mistake many people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a job, a relationship, or even a conversation. But that’s not how it works.

Confidence isn’t something you just have. It’s something you grow. You have to step out of your comfort zone (and risk your pride) to earn the reward of unearthing your confidence. So, instead of thinking and planning and trying…Just Do It! Learn to DO before you feel ready, and your confidence will grow. Difficult things will get easier. You will get further, faster. And all of this can happen before you even realize that you ARE good enough.

What do you think about this concept? I welcome your feedback.

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