body language – Everyday Manners

Professionalism: Manspreading

Manspreading: the act of a man sitting, especially on public transportation, with his legs spread wide apart, in a way that means that the people next to him have less space.

So, I have seen this and recognized it as an “etiquette faux pas,” but I did not know that it was such an issue that, in this country and others across the globe, legislation was created around it. And though that is interesting in itself, I would like to just address the professionalism of this leg posturing.

There is a science behind postures/body language and what they mean. For example, open leg posture illustrates a relaxed and confident demeanor. There are also many guidelines around what, where, and for whom postures are appropriate. For example, women have always been taught to take up as little space as possible when in mixed company, back straight, legs together, arms rested on legs. So, are we following science or societal norms when dealing with the professionalism of manspreading?

Let’s address both. The societal impression is that men have carte blanche in seated leg postures, while women are relegated to crossed or uncrossed closed thigh positions. Men seem to take full advantage of this opportunity and take up more space than what may be necessary for comfort. Transportation is where most complaints seem to arise when dealing with the issue of manspreading. But those wide open legs are also a problem for others when dining or at meetings around a table, in theater or sporting event seats, and on couches with friends and family members. I guess men get to have that relaxed and confident demeanor in all situations. And in this society, women have fewer opportunities for that type of relaxed leg posture. But when we consult common courtesy, it says to take the space you need, but also leave enough for others to be comfortable.

Now to be fair, there is also a biological reason behind all the spreading—The Economonitor reported that the average male has shoulders 28% wider than his hips, while women have shoulders only 3% wider than their hips. Because of this, men tend to spread their legs wider to incorporate this ratio. So, proportionally, it takes more space for a man than a woman to sit up in a seat. With that understanding, we will return to common courtesy. Be aware of not only the space you are taking up, but of the space you are leaving for others. Find that zone where both spaces are adequate and all can be comfortable.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

Presenting the Best You – Eye Contact

When communicating face to face, body language is very important. Often, your body language is read before you even say a word. So, when you want to exude confidence, you must be intentional, not with just your words, but your body language as well.

Part of that body language is eye contact. Some people struggle with making good eye contact when communicating with others. For many, it has become more difficult due to the increased use of technology. And isolation due to the pandemic has exacerbated the eye contact struggle even more.

So, how can we make it better?

First, a definition is necessary. What is considered good eye contact? Looking someone in their face when you are communicating with them. Try to stay in the eyes, nose, and mouth regions with your eyes. The eye contact is not a stare; that’s too much. It’s not a glance; that’s not enough. It is a soft and gentle focus on the person(s) you are speaking with. Eye contact is important both when you are the listener and when you are the speaker. It is an expression of attention and engagement.

Remember that eye contact is important, not only when you are one-on-one, but also in a group or even a crowd. If I am speaking to a group of 3, 25, or 100 people, I still want to look at people in their faces, scanning from one person to another. But as a listener in those same groups, it is imperative that I express engagement by really seeing and focusing on the person speaking.

Secondly, recognize the quality of your own eye contact. Are you in the present, focusing on the person you are speaking with? Are you engaged and encouraging the other person(s) to make good eye contact with you? When you pay attention to increasing your skill level, you end up modeling that skill for others and their game is automatically upped.

Finally, try to limit distractions and use those close to you to monitor eye contact when you speak face-to-face. Encourage them to not only give you feedback but to also practice good eye contact when you are communicating with them. Similar to smiles, good eye contact can become contagious and spread like wildfire. And as with most skills, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

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