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Tag: relationships

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Social

Professionalism: Networking 102

Networking during a seminar with people
Networking during a seminar with people

Networking is the process of making connections and building relationships. These connections can help you make informed educational, business, and career decisions, can provide you with advice and contacts, and can even help you find unadvertised jobs/internships. 

Though the act of networking can seem tedious and boring, having a strategy helps maximize your time and energy. To get positive results, you must do the prep work and come into each networking event with a plan. Prior to each event, look at the who, what, when, where, why, and how of networking to decide if you should attend and develop a master plan.  

  • Why: What is the purpose of you networking? Why are you going? Is it necessary?
    • This year, I set a goal to double my client base. I think networking will give me connections, exposure, and extended reach that can help me do that. 
  • What: What is the purpose of the event you are considering? Do you have multiple events to choose from?
    • A client asked me to join them in a golf tournament sponsored by the company they work for. This is an annual event that most employees attend as participants, volunteers, or organizers. The employees are encouraged to invite others as a way to gain company exposure. They provide food, beverages, swag, and a lot of fun. 
    • In the same week, a colleague in the same field has invited me to a business mixer in a neighboring county. This is a quarterly event that is sponsored by a local civic organization to grow their membership. 
    • Should I attend one over the other or both? 
  • Who: Who will be there? Are there particular people you want to connect with? Is this an organization that can position you better in the business community? Is this an arena where you could be a resource for others?
    • Even though I am not an avid golfer, I chose to attend both events because they offer different opportunities. Because the client that invited me is such a good fit for me, I believe their workplace could be full of leads. The golf tournament will put me in a casual/fun environment where potential clients can get to know me socially and I can still talk business. 
    • The business mixer is an opportunity to grow outside of my current county. Here I can meet potential gatekeepers (people who are not potential clients, but know good connections for me), be exposed to other business organizations, and expand my geographical reach.
  • When: Does this event fit into your schedule? Are you able to be your best at the time of this event? How much time do you have at this event?
    • I am a morning person. I am at my best at the front of each day. I am also an athlete and love being outdoors. So, the golf tournament is a good fit for me. On the other hand, golf tournaments are an all-day affair. I will be sacrificing a full day of work for this opportunity. This time, I think it is worth it.
    • The business mixer takes place after work hours. That event will be more challenging for me because my brain and energy are in wind-down mode. I will have to do more prep work (schedule my day better, nap, or caffeinate) to be at my best at this event. 
  • Where: Is this event conveniently located? Will this location fit into your schedule? Is this location a place that could open other opportunities for you?
    • The golf tournament is local and conveniently located. If I bring my full energy to this event, I can make connections in the tournament, with the organizers, and with the venue. By building relationships with each of those connections, I can help grow circles and my client base.
    • The business networking event is in a neighboring county. The location isn’t far, but it is in the evening and further from home than the office. But, because I am trying to double my client base, I have to be willing to expand my geographical reach. I will just build that county into my network.
  • How: What is your plan? Do you have overall goals for networking? What are your specific goals for this particular event?
    • Because I have already established my overall goal of expanding my client base, I know what I am looking to accomplish as an end game. But the first steps are to just meet more people outside of my current circle. 
    • The golf tournament will expose me to a plethora of individuals in the venue, the golfing experience, and the sponsoring company. I set up a file on my phone to collect names and notes as I go through the day. Each time I meet someone, I discreetly jot down as much info as I can so I can text or email them in the following 48 hours to continue building a relationship. From there, we can schedule a casual or business meeting. 
    • Because this is my first event in a new county, I assume I won’t know anyone. I want to use this event to become acquainted with the people and happenings of the area. I set a time goal of 60-90 minutes and try to meet at least 2 people that are already established in the community. Connecting with them will keep me apprised of current events and useful organizations to engage with. 

Now that you have a strategy and a plan, you can make these networking events fun and not so overwhelming. You can focus on being yourself, making real connections, and building relationships to meet your goals. 

In certain fields, networking is necessary. But even if it isn’t, it can help you stay current, meet new people, and practice your social skills. Just remember not to overload yourself with events. In this example, there were two events in one week. That does not have to be the norm. Enjoy!

Be sure to read our recent blog Professionalism: Networking 101.

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Social

Different Is Just Different

Interracial couple yelling having argument at home
Interracial couple yelling having argument at home

Everyday Manners recently facilitated a group on basic etiquette where we spent a good deal of time on the term civility. We define civility as claiming and caring for one’s own identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process. Many people in this group wanted to share examples of instances that were not civil, a time when they were the victim of incivility. It was helpful to share those occurrences and hear the effects of others’ words and actions on them.

But it was even more remarkable to think about and share those times we may have been the perpetrators of that incivility. The theme of the discussion was “Different isn’t better or worse; it’s just different.” When I think about the times when another person and I may have expressed differences in thoughts, beliefs, or desires and it turned hierarchical, as one being better than the other, that’s when we are no longer being civil. That’s when people can be offended and feelings can get hurt. It makes it very difficult to build and preserve good relationships with people when you cannot have open conversations without being
offensive or being offended.

Here’s an example: Two friends were talking about how they raise their kids. One was very strict about having a bedtime each night for her elementary-age children, while the other just sent her kids to bed
when she was ready for them to go. There was no set schedule. They each exchanged information about the benefits of one style over the other and why that style works for their family. It was a very civil conversation with opportunities to learn, understand, and grow.

What made the tide turn in this conversation was one mother stated that she was the better parent because she was teaching her kids how to operate in a routine. That statement changed everything. This conversation could have stayed civil and been a good way to understand someone else’s perspectives, customs, and beliefs. But that statement of hierarchy pushed one parent down to place the other in a higher position. Making that statement degraded the other mother.

This is an example of different styles of parenting just being different styles. One is not better or worse than the other, especially since they seem to be working for their particular families. And what one family does has no effect on the other family. Bedtime in one household has no effect on the lack of bedtimes in the other. Believing that different is just different, not better or worse, is how we can practice civility in the real world.

What are your thoughts? Please share any examples of civility or incivility you have experienced or witnessed.

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Social

That’s Not Funny! (That’s Bullying)

Two teen asian high school students comfort sad classmate victim of bullying in corridor.
Two teen asian high school students comfort sad classmate victim of bullying in corridor.

Humor is subjective. What may be funny to me, may not be funny to you. That can be seen in choices of entertainment, in the variety of comedians, sitcoms, comedic movies, and even commercials. Some people love pranks and practical jokes, while others enjoy riddles, dad jokes, or slapstick humor. And even when something is not funny to you, you may still be able to understand why it might be funny to others.

One thing I have struggled with for decades is understanding how picking on the vulnerabilities (or perceived vulnerabilities) of others is a form of comedy. In grade school, you hear children making fun of their peers. They find weaknesses in their classmates to pick on and even name call. You can see them looking for others to join in to create campaigns against a person. That behavior is almost expected in elementary school. But as we mature, we should recognize that no good comes from putting others down and that talking negatively of others is a form of bullying. And that’s not funny. 

I still hear people (grown people) laughing at the way people look, move, and talk, laughing at someone else’s pain, and picking on what is clearly someone’s struggle. How is that humorous? And more importantly, how is that affecting the target (another human being) of this amusement? We don’t know what most people are struggling with and how your “joking” could affect them. 

Now, some people may say, “So, I can’t joke around with my friends?” or “People are too sensitive these days.” I say, do whatever you like. Just know that your humor may be someone else’s pain. 

Etiquette is all about the consideration of others. The point is to have a standard of behavior so that everyone can feel comfortable in any environment. We all have different senses of humor. And humans are evolved enough to have ways of experiencing humor that isn’t harmful to others.

Demeaning another human being has no upside. The reason most people put others down is to feel better about themselves. If you are beyond middle school and want to raise your self-esteem, you can just work on building yourself up as opposed to pushing others down. Because, that’s bullying, and that’s not funny.

I am interested to hear your thoughts on this topic.

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Social

Pet Peeves as the Foundation of Etiquette

Business People Talking While Walking On Sidewalk In City
Business People Talking While Walking On Sidewalk In City

For years at speaking engagements, I have been collecting lists of pet peeves. You may be asking what pet peeves have to do with etiquette. Well, a pet peeve is defined as a frequent subject of complaint or something that a particular person finds annoying. And etiquette is defined as the customary code of polite behavior in society or among a particular profession or group. So, it is often those pet peeves that are the breaks in common etiquette expectations. Those things that continuously get on a person’s nerves add to the discomfort of others. And the whole objective of etiquette is to consider others, and then contribute to their comfort in the environment you ALL are in. 

Why is this important? You should know by now that you have very little influence on the behavior of others. But you do have all the control over your own behavior. And if you have pet peeves about others, you can bet someone has pet peeves about you. When you recognize a pet peeve out in the world, be annoyed, feel all the feelings. But then pause and think, “what do I do that may be annoying those around me?”

Let’s look at a real-world example. One of the most common pet peeves is hearing people eat. It could be smacking, open-mouth chewing, or hearing food move around someone’s mouth while you are listening to them talk. When you see the specific description of the pet peeve, it should be obvious that the societal guidelines around chewing are being stretched. Chew with your mouth closed, do not talk with food in your mouth. Remember the purpose of these guidelines is to keep consideration of others front of mind. 

This gives you the opportunity to pay closer attention to yourself. When are you recognizing that others are not so comfortable around you? What guidelines might you be stretching? I may be a sidewalk hog, another top pet peeve. In my desire to converse while walking, I often walk in a line with others. This probably prevents people from being able to pass me from behind. It also prompts people coming toward me to sidestep in order to avoid collisions. I should pay more attention to this and try to adjust my behavior accordingly. 

What are your pet peeves? And what can you change to not be someone else’s pet peeve? Please share!

Categories
Social

# LITA (Love Is The Answer)

love
love

Social media is a great way to get and share information. A lot of us use it to keep up with people. And people are checking in to keep tabs on us as well. Many times, what we are posting is of our best times: our friends, our families, and our celebrations. And most of the time social media is one way. Though its name implies contact with others, recognize that keeping up with people via social media is not a real connection. It is not really checking on them, caring for them, or loving them. It’s just viewing what they want us to see.

I recently lost a friend to suicide. I believe that is the universe’s way of reminding me that I need to make more time for the people I care about. Make a phone call, pop in for a visit, make a conscious effort to connect, and then reconnect. I don’t think me (or anyone) doing that would have necessarily saved her, but she would have at least known that I loved her and cared about her well-being.

At Everyday Manners, we have a little saying that we live by, #LITA, Love Is The Answer. That reminds us to handle each misunderstanding, situation, obstacle, and person with LOVE. Love yourself, love your neighbor, even love your challenges, because love is the answer.

Thoughts? Comments?

Categories
Dining

Basic Dining Etiquette

Eating meals
Eating meals

When people think of etiquette, most minds automatically go to proper dining etiquette. And though my definition of etiquette encompasses much more, how we choose to dine is definitely important. 

When you are sitting at home on the couch by yourself, how you eat is of no consequence. Feel free to do what is most comfortable. But when you are eating in the company of others, whether it is your family, friends, or work associates, how you present is a reflection of you and your relationship with the other diners. 

In order to present without offending (which should be the goal), practice is necessary. Even if you think it isn’t important, even if you don’t care how you are perceived, it is nice to know the expectations. It is nice to have those tools available to you should you want to use them one day.

The guidelines around dining etiquette are simple. They center around what people see and hear when dining with others. So, think about a lunch meeting with your supervisor. What could you see or hear at this meal that might make you cringe? The obvious offenders are hearing smacking sounds and seeing food in the process of being ground by someone’s teeth. But what about the lesser mentioned, but just as irksome, fork scraping on the plate or food lingering in the corners of the mouth. 

We could formulate a list of potentially offensive acts that could fill this page in no time. But a better use of our energy would be to recognize those acts so that we can adjust them. Notice, not just what bothers you when people are eating, but what you may be doing to upset the dining experience of others. Do you allow the fork to scrape against your teeth audibly when you eat? Do you use your fingers with non-finger foods? Is it normal for you to drink all of your beverage at the end of your meal in three giant gulps?

Practice at home the behaviors you want to display out in public so it becomes natural. When you are out to dinner with your Boo, you don’t want dining etiquette to be your focus. Nor do you want the focus of your Boo to be on your unique mashed potato shoveling technique.

I am interested in your thoughts. What annoying eating habits have you observed in yourself and others? How do you address these? What dining faux pas have you personally struggled with?

Categories
Social

Relationship Resolution

Laughing friends
Laughing friends

As we begin a new year, many of us are led to make resolutions or goals to guide us into accomplishing something, doing more, or being better. Some people are very intentional and write them out, share them with family and friends, or even create vision boards to stay focused.

That works for some people, but not everyone. Do not feel pressured to start this year off, or any year, setting resolutions. Studies show that many people do not last a single month and most do not even remember that they made resolutions until the beginning of the next year.

With all that we are dealing with these days (pandemic, health concerns, work and business, family), in reality, surviving the prior year has been our reward. With that said, we may not be putting energy into building and growing our relationships.

With technology being the safest and most efficient way to communicate with people today, we are no longer sitting around having in-depth conversations and getting to know people much beyond the surface. Though some people may be maintaining relationships they already have, we have learned that many more are detached from those they were close to because they have spent too much time together. This is when they recognize that they may not have the skills to maintain an in-depth relationship.

Yes, relationship building and maintenance are skills that can be learned and developed. They are not something you are just born with. In fact, this pandemic is forcing many to recognize that these skills could use some fine-tuning. Here are some tips to get started:

  • Be present: put your technology away and really focus on your conversations with the person
  • Give time: set aside time just to connect with that particular person
  • Listen: really engage and hear what the other person is saying; ask clarifying questions and provide support if necessary
  • Share: allow yourself to be heard as well; share your thoughts and feelings and allow others to support you

How have your close relationships been during the pandemic? Are you recognizing any social skills that could use some modifying? Share your experiences here.

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